It’s a long-ass one so I didn’t want to post it up on Jaden’s blog, and I’m betting right now it’s gonna break the Read More. Anyways.
It starts with Dave Strider. An orphan who was found on the street as a little toddler on day, put in foster care, had an average neglected childhood— sad, but not like, super-angsty and traumatic or anything. At the present day, he’s just turned eighteen, trying to make it on his own, scrounging for jobs as he tries to get some club to take him on as a DJ… just trying to make ends meet.
He finally catches a break as some place decides to let him DJ for them, just once— but hey, it’s a start, right? And it’s more than enough to be excited for. He puts everything into that one night, determined to make an impression, because this is the careerhe’s been dreaming of and shit.
And it’s that night, at the club, that he meets someone. A dude with spikey blond hair and a pair of ridiculous pointy shades, maybe a couple of years older than him. Who comes onto Dave after he finishes his gig and is getting wasted at the bar, offers to make sure he gets home okay.
Dave’s not really sure what to make of this— generally speaking, he’s always thought of himself as straight— but good god this guy is smooth, not to mention damn good with his hands. They’re already stripping off clothes by the time they stumble through the door of Dave’s shitty apartment, and even though he doesn’t quite remembereverythingthe next morning, he knows it was damn good.
(He still feels horribly awkward when he wakes up next to a dude, though, even though he’s pretty good at hiding it.)
Then when he wakes up the next morning, is brushing his teeth and trying to ‘politely’ tell the guy to scram, dude drops the bomb on him.
His name is Dirk, and he’s Dave’s older brother.
Dave… has a hard time believing this.
Dirk explains that he’s been looking for Dave for a long time— most of the people who knew him back home actually believed he was dead. He was kidnapped when he was only maybe two years old.
He wants to bring Dave back home. Says it’s important, because the guys who kidnapped Dave are coming back to ‘finish the job’.
Dave is starting to wonder just how far over the shark this guy’s jumped when suddenly someone knocks on the door of his apartment. Dirk immediately gets up and tells him not to answer it; Dave stops and stares at him, before maybe making some half-hearted, somewhat serious crack about how long it’s been since Dirk last took his anti-psychotics.
While he’s hesitating to open the door, all of a sudden, an axe blade slams right into it, pure-black and gleaming. Dave… possibly screams like a little girl as he jumps the fuck back away from the door.
Dirk gets in a quick I-told-you-so before dragging Dave to the window, and they abscond just as a huge behemoth of a man kicks down Dave’s apartment door, carrying, of all things, a medieval-style battle axe.
Dirk drags Dave after him, telling him that he (Dirk) has to get him (Dave) back somewhere safe, before the others like that Brute show up. Dave wants to know why the fuck they don’t get the police on this if there are a bunch of crazy people with axes trying to kill him, and Dirk says the police wouldn’t be able to do jack shit against their likes. He leads Dave, probably arguing and freaking out the whole way, down a maze of alleys— straight to a dead end. Dave’s nearing a full-on panic right about now, but Dirk just keep dragging him straight towards the brick wall—
—onto what Dave thought was a manhole cover but had a strange symbol on it—
—and suddenly they’re not in Texas anymore.
Suddenly, it’s night, in an alley in a city that appears to be built entirely out of violet brick and metal. Dave hardly has any time to be stunned however, as Dirk never stops moving, just keeps dragging him onward and getting them lost in a sea of purple buildings and cathedrals.
They’ve arrived in Derse.
That’s all I’ve got in terms of what would happen in a blow-by-blow account of the story so far, but I do have a bunch of background info.
Basically, Dirk and Dave were the two sons of the Black King and Black Queen (Roxy and Rose Lalonde are technically cousins of theirs, royalty in their own right but not in line for the throne). Derse and Prospit exist… kinda like Arcadia or the land of the Faeries do in some myths, alongside Earth but not quite in/on it? They’re the two kingdoms of magic, Prospit being the source of creation magic, Derse being the source of destructive magic.
Technically, though, there’s a third kingdom, Alternia, the land where all monsters come from. The Condesce, ruler of the trolls, the dominant species on Alternia, has long been seeking to take over Derse and Prospit to claim their magic for her own. This led to a war that ultimately resulted in Derse and Prospit uniting their forces, and destroying Alternia altogether.
But some of it’s inhabitants— including the Condesce— escaped and survived.
She began plotting in secret— with the help of double-agents from Derse who weren’t happy with the ruling family. Then, when Dave was born, the Royal Seer of Derse prophesied that he would be the key to saving the kingdom once and for all from the threat of the trolls.
Two years later, Dave is kidnapped, and winds up on Earth.
I think it was due to Aranea/Mindfang, who didn’t agree with the Condesce’s plot and was bitter after she got their world destroyed. Jack Noir was the one who kidnapped Dave, but Aranea, who’d insisted the child be brought to her to ensure the job was done properly (claiming they shouldn’t trust Jack Noir unless he brings the child into their hands) tricked them, and instead of killing him, banished him to Earth, with magic that would ensure they wouldn’t have any way to find him for years— until his eighteenth birthday. Aranea was killed for her treachery, and in the end, the Condesce’s plan eventually came to fruition; with Jack Noir’s help, she led a direct assault on Derse’s capital a few years later, and slew the King and Queen, usurping the throne. Dirk was able to escape, along with Roxy and Rose.
Now, in the present day, trolls inhabit Derse and live amongst the Dersites, with the Dersites themselves pretty much being second-class citizens. The twelve trolls we are familiar with from Hivebent are among those living on Derse, and their powers/ranks are generally related to their classes and elements from when they played SBURB. Eridan (being the Prince from his session) is the heir apparent for the Dersite throne now, possibly with Equius being next in line (as he is the Heir— on Prospit, John is the Heir, and thus next in line for the Prospitian throne).
Dirk however, is still around, albeit living in secret on the outskirts of Derse with Roxy, Rose, and a few sympathizers like the Wayward Vagabond and the Aimless Renegade (who probably need new names for this). They were trying to bide their time, waiting for a chance to maybe take back the kingdom, or at least take revenge on the Condesce for her actions, when Rose was struck by a vision.
On Dave’s eighteenth birthday, the magic Aranea used on him to protect him from being found finally wore off, and Rose had a vision of where he was on Earth.
Unfortunately, the Condesce had a Seer at her disposal, as well— Terezi— and had received the same information. Thus began the race between Dirk and the Condesce’s followers to find and retrieve Dave.
After successfully rescuing Dave, it becomes a matter of getting help from Prospit; they’d attempted to do this before, but hadn’t been able to break through the Veil that seperates the two worlds. Now things are even more desperate, as before, when the Condesce had been content to simply wait for Dirk and the others to play into her hands, she knows now that she must crush them before Dave’s powers are revealed if she wants to keep her throne. This time, they manage to get through, and once in Prospit, get help from the White King/Queen and the kids over there and it turns out that the reason Dave was the key to fighting the Condesce was because the source of the Condesce’s powers is the demon Lord English, who has powers over time, and it turns out, only Dave’s own inherent powers over time can cancel the demon’s powers out long enough for the others to kill him.
Well, his and Aradia’s. Most of the Hivebent trolls, not counting Eridan and Vriska, wind up helping the kids because they hate the Condesce too (she really is a shitty ruler) and in exchange for asylum to live on Derse/Prospit after she’s taken care of. They still have to deal with the adult, villainous trolls we’re familiar with, though, and Grand Highblood alone almost manages to defeat them.
And believe it or not, this entire shitty overly-complicated AU idea was just an excuse to have a story in which those Fancy Dreamer/Godtier costumes are canon and also Dirk is banging the hell out of Dave. (Pretty much any time he gets him alone or to coax Dave into agreeing to something.)
(Like wearing Dersite clothing. “dude fuck no i aint traipsing around in pretty purple pajamas screw you” “Is that an invitation?” “whoa wait what are you do-ooooooohhhhhhhhhhhgod!!!” And then once Dave is exhausted and pliant Dirk just casually dresses him and all Dave can do is whine breathlessly.)
(And everything is Stridercest.)
(And nothing hurts.)
((Except Dave’s ass.))